Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
