I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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