then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
