She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
