i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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