yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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