I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
