Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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