I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
