Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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