So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
