how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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