Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i think i have two assholes
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
