I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
