I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
