I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
