Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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