i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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