I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
