i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
