so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I did not marry a roomba.
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