i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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