Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
