we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
