Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
