I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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