I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
