Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
