Cold hands, warm shart.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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