It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
