Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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