so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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