They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
