you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
