She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
