I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
