my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The uberlube is also flammable
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
