break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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