1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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