You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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