I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
