YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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