i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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