the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
