Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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