And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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