the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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