YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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