Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
