Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
