Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
