if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
