pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
