No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My penis needs a shock collar
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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