Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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