just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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