Cold hands, warm shart.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize