I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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