I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
