I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
