My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
