I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
