I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
