oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
