theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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