Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
