great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
