WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
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if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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