dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
