you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
