PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
