Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
