The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
