I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
